I was definitely into my feelings coming into Wednesday morning after what happened at the fire drill. I was consistently eating cereal to fill my body and not fill my mind with thoughts. In the morning I did not wake up early enough, so I just quickly put in a banana, chewy bars, and brought my food to class. I ended up eating the two chewy bars before my other 3 to 4 classes. By the time I had to go lead a workshop free food came my way! My fate to be tempted! There was pizza from the Vocelli’s and a bunch of desserts. Throughout the workshop I was good, and I didn’t eat. The time after the workshop was different.
I am a WEAK PERSON. A WEAK PERSON. I broke the challenge the third day. When we were packing up the stuff for the workshop there was plenty of pizza left. We ended up sitting down with a group of friends to just hang out and talk before my next class. I looked down at the pizza. It was my fault I did not plan ahead. I didn’t have food other than a banana. I searched ferociously to find that banana to distract myself from the pizza. I looked in my backpack in the banana was squished! I was trying to figure out if I was going to eat that banana. I ended up eating it, but I just did not end up eating it in front of other people.
I saw the fresh set box of pizza was right in front of me. I ate the pizza, and before you know it the whole pizza was gone. I was only going to eat one piece, but of course, I can’t eat only one piece of pizza. You got to commit. I felt so guilty, but I still ate it. I was definitely feeling really weak, and of course, this free food is not given to people who are usually on SNAP. It is very limited on who can be on SNAP, so I was not doing justice to the people who have to do this all the time. I went to my three-hour class, and the whole time I ended up writing out how I was feeling. I wrote how I felt about the fire drill that happened the day I just needed to let it all out and get all that negative energy out of myself. I couldn’t really pay attention in class, and I think it was partly due to lack of sleep and also lack of food. I also did not bring my water bottle, and I have been really bad on drinking water in order to fill out the amount of food that I wasn’t receiving.
Overall I felt that I was not doing justice to the people who are on SNAP if you have that food insecurity. I am really privileged and spoiled, and the fact that I am able to get something really quickly from the vending machine. I usually get something really quickly from one of the food cafeterias, and others have to plan accordingly before school. People could get ready really early or stay up really late. I definitely think that people who cannot eat are not able to focus at all. I felt very all over the place. I felt that I couldn’t get things done. I can only imagine someone who is working 20 hours is more than half-time in college might have to be a dependent, or for someone another person and also be hungry and you can’t take care of others.
If you can’t take care of yourself, then it is hard to take care of other people. I feel like a lot of people are in that situation where they have to sacrifice themselves in order to help someone else. It takes such a toll on you so overall. It is important to be able to think about yourself, how we have to really pay attention to how our health is a privilege. I would stay up late and wouldn’t plan ahead. I think it’s in the best interest for me to really take care of myself because I have that privilege, in order to help myself and to help others.