February 14, 2016 | 12:51 a.m.

Talofa! – in Samoan

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well. I had a pretty productive day. I got two school things done, and I got to work out today. Today was leg day. What a GREAT time to be walking around campus. It was pretty windy. I also got to have a really good conversation with someone I was friends with, but I did not get to see as much.

Today we discussed during dinner about how our actions come off. As in our gestures and our dialogue between people get misinterpreted. Our kindness and politeness gets mistaken for something else. We like to open doors, say “please and thank you”, and help those out that need it. This may seem very ordinary, but as we kept on talking it seemed that our actions may not be do ordinary. It is not so common for people our age to even do these little things. It should be common courtesy, but it does not seem to translate. We both have had experiences where one of our friends say “I like this guy who did *insert manner*.” We were conflicted. I feel that I cannot just like someone because they do that. If anything, it should be a given to respect and help those around you. It is quite scary actually how that is the standard. I think there is a stigma of being a “nice guy”. Being a nice guy dooes not mean to not be a jerk. I think it is guys who generally care about the other person and shows it. Usually the nice guy gives more than the girl, so girls tend to see that in a negative connotation. I also see that there is so much more than just being nice. You have to mesh well with the person. I am a nice person, but I do not think I want someone to like me just for being nice. There is so much more I have to offer. I feel like being nice is on the surface. Also with people who are seen as mean or rude. That is only the surface. There is so much more the person. It’s complicated.

I just learned that there 5 ways to show you love someone. Sometimes my interactions with people come off as me pursuing them or flirting. I can tell you now that I have never flirted. I just cannot, and I am not comfortable with the idea. I was talking with another friend about it. I can be very sociable with people, strangers, and my friends. It becomes different if I like the person. I talk to them, but it is different. I honestly do not see myself dating until I am in my 20s, which I guess is not that far away. I think it just takes me awhile to acknowledge of the common idea of me liking someone and them liking me back. I think this happens in all of my relationships with people. I do not like showing my affection because I still am iffy about the idea of mutual respect and love. I just always subconsciously think that the friendship is a one-sided, and I am hallucinating the whole thing. I mean as in I cannot comprehend someone liking me enough to be able to spend time on me. I know that is a little drastic, but I feel like I have come to better terms of that now. It’s complicated.

I like showing my love in nonverbal ways. I just found out about Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages”.

  1. Acts of Service
  2. Quality Time
  3. Gift Giving
  4. Words of Affirmation
  5. Physical Touch

I will say right in the beginning that I am the worst at 4 and 5. I do not do it. I am a horribl hugger, and I rarely say I Love you in public. I think because of that I am distant. I remember having a conversation with someone and they asked me “What have you done for me? You do not really show anything or done anything?” I remember being so mad inside. I thought of many things in my head. The time and energy I spent on this person. I could not even reason with her at all. I thought I was so in the right. Maybe I was not. I like showing my affection in actions. Since I never physically or verbally show my love I must seem isolated and distant from people. I see that now. I feel so much, but then again I never show it. How are people supposed to? I spend so much time on my friendships. I care about every single one. I was just confused on why I was being questioned. Their issues become mine. I feel what they feel. I now realize that I really need to make the effort to show directly how much I care. I am playing with myself. It’s complicated.

I though am the strongest in 1 and 2. I really thought that the things I did for people would speak for itself, but in reality it does not necessarily. I think I would like to be assured that people cared about me, so I should do the same for others. It is different doing something for someone versus telling someone you care. I talked about this before, but it is so different of thinking something and saying it out loud. When you say it out loud it becomes real. I am not really good at coming to terms with things, so I think that contributes to it. I always say I need to love myself, but the next stage is to learn to love others. One of my friends learned that in her Psychology class that the stage we are in right now is identity vs. role confusion. The next stage is intimacy vs. isolation. This could take awhile. It’s complicated.

I can and will get through it. Love yourself and others! Tell people that you care. It is so much better than regretting it. Everyone always need a little reminder that you care about them. It will make their day a little better. Even little things like holding the door open or helping someone in a public setting.

“Alone we can do so little; Together we can do so much” – Hellen Keller

I hope you all have a really good day. It is Valentine’s Day. Have a loving day with your loved ones, significant others, family, friends, and most importantly you!

-Alyssa

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