Week Three: Carnegie Book Analysis

I think this book really uncovered the things that have been done to me, and the things I have done unconsciously that worked. I am usually the listener when it comes to conversation, and that has people really open up to me. One day I want to be in local office, so these principles will really help me in the future.  

Part One – Fundamental techniques in Handling People  

When I was reading this book I was thinking of how I deal with my residents. I think being an RA to freshmen is different than being an RA for upperclassmen. When I deal with freshmen I approach the situation differently. The first principle was “don’t criticize, condemn, or complain”. In chapter one, it talks about how we should not automatically criticize people when we see them in a bad state. What really impacted me was the Confucius quote that said: “don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof when your doorstep is uncleaned”. I think that quote made me so self-aware of my place in general. I really have to practice what I preach. I remember freshmen year that I did things that were not smart (usually not law breaking like some of my fun residents), but I have grown so much since then. I have to understand that I need to be open when dealing with residents. I do not want them to feel like I am a mom. The story of the top hats feels like something people in charge of people have to deal with. Instead of nagging my residents on rules I need to change the way I say the conversation. I would want the same done to me. The chapter talks about “trying to figure out why they do what they do”.  

The second principle talks about giving honest and sincere appreciation for people. Sigmund Freud talked about one of the two things all people want is the desire to be great. I think I have always thought I was going to use my strengths to make my contribution to this world. I do have a desire to do my best. I think I really want to emulate more of what Charles Schwab did. He said, “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people, the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement”. I have seen this in action. I remember when I first was doing my job I was working hard, and with my thinking, I need to make sure I am doing my best to contribute to my staff. I like giving appreciation because I know how I feel when I get it. I also liked the quote “If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise”. I think that I have made my best interactions and friendships with people by using sincere appreciation. That is rich. Another quote that stuck with me was every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.” I always had the problem of being intimidated when someone was way better at me at something. If I kept that mentality I would always have low self-esteem. I realize that every person I meet will be better at me at something. I need to take that mindset into a positive one. I can learn from each person and become a better person because of it.  

The last principle is to arouse in the other person an eager want. It says that “he who can do this has the whole world with him”.  If you can convince someone that what you want is what they want they will do it. It combines self-interest with group collaboration. Henry Ford said, “if there is one secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s view”. We have to be aware of not only ourselves. We make connections when we have sympathy, and those connections become powerful. 

 Part Two – 6 ways to Make People Like You 

The first principle is to become genuinely interested in people. I think at the beginning of high school I started to have my own revelations. It was when I was in class, and I was lost in my thoughts. The thoughts I had were all over the place, and probably thoughts that I think people would never know about me. I found it fascinating because every single person in my class was probably the same. Even the closest person you have will not know everything about you. I really then started to genuinely become interested in people. Howard Thurston said he had two things; he had the ability to put his personality through his footlights and had a genuine interest in people. He was able to become successful because of it. When people feel like someone is interested in them they will end up being interested in the person asking. The second principle is to smile. There is the Chinese saying “do not open up a shop without a smile”. For the most part, small businesses are advertised through referrals and word-of-mouth. You remember how you feel when you experienced something and may not remember what was exactly said. I remember when someone was mad or happy. If you want someone to associate your shop with positive thoughts you should smile. The third principle is to remember that a person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language. It is important to remember names and make people feel important. I liked the quote “to recall a voter’s name is statesmanship. To forget is an oblivion”. This was interesting because this was a politician. I want to campaign for myself one day and starting with this now will help me gain trust for future voters. The fourth principle is to be a good listener. It is important to encourage others to talk about themselves. I do this a lot as an RA. People feel most comfortable talking about themselves because that is what they know best. My residents then feel comfortable telling me things in case something happens. I do really believe this principle works. Especially at UMW, we are all about making those personal connections, and that means taking time to get to know one another. That means listening to other people’s lives to feel like they are accepted in the community. The fifth principle is to talk in terms of other person’s interests. I know we are all in different groups, and I have noticed I do change how I interact with each group. I do not think I do it on purpose to be different, but I feel that speaking in what people are comfortable with makes the interactions the best it can be. The fifth principle says to talk in terms of the other personal interests. I also agree with talking to people that make them feel like equals. The last principle is to “make the other person feel important”. They said they can do this by “talking to people about themselves and they will listen for hours”. I have seen this happen on many occasions. I think it is when people are willing to put in the work to listen for all those hours. I think that it is needed time to connect, so I have that mindset for the most part of the conversation.  

Part Three – How to win People to your way of thinking 

The first principle is the best way to get the best of an argument to avoid it. Buddha said “hatred is never ended by hatred but by love”. That is what should work in theory, but it is hard with human nature. The step to distrust your first instructive impression is a really hard thing to do. It really plays with pride and self-awareness. The other step that is really interesting is to “thank your opponent sincerely for the interest”. That may sometimes come off as passive aggressive, but it would start a better conversation in the future. The quote “I may be wrong. Let’s examine the facts”. I realize that I say that I have been saying that when I have to deal with conflict. I usually say this when I have to confront someone. The second principle is to show respect for another person’s opinion. I usually think about roommate conflicts and political conversations when I think of respecting the other person’s opinion. General Lee made positive comments about a fellow officer, and the officer did not like General Lee at all. General responded to that by saying ” but the president asked my opinion of him; he did not ask his opinion of me”. I think this really encompassed the of being the bigger person. There are many perspectives of how you are perceived, but you can only control one of them. The third principle is saying that “if you wrong admit it quickly and empathetically”. The quote says “by fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected”. I think in order for those times when you would like people to conclude that they made a mistake I have to do the same when it happens to me. The fourth principle was to begin in a friendly way. The quote says “a door of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall”. Overall, being nice will always better the situation. The fifth principle is to get the person saying a “yes yes”, which is the Socratic method. This seems like a manipulative measure, but it also gets things done. The eleventh principle is to dramatize your ideas, and I do not think I use it that much. I do think I do that when I tell stories, in order for people to connect. The last principle is to throw down a challenge. I never saw life as that, but I think it will help! 

Part Four – Be a leader: How to change people without given offense or arousing resentment.  

The first principle is, to begin with, praise and honest appreciation. Carl Landford talked about how he had an open door policy. The ones that stood out to me were the sixth principle, where we would praise the slightest improvement and praise improvements. I think we can do that for the seventh principle, where then you give the persona a fine reputation to live up to. The eighth principle says to use encouragement to make fault seem easy to correct, which is to make the fault seem easy to correct. This will allow the changes to be made, without losing the following that you need. It makes people feel equal.  

 

 

 

 

Week Two – Overcoming Bias

This book is a really great tool for people who have not noticed how biases come explicitly and implicitly. I have been lucky to take courses and workshops on biases before, but it is always important to keep on learning. Biases are when you favor one thing over another, and that really affects our everyday lives. We all have biases, but it is what we do with them that makes the difference.


Activity #1 – Job Association

Used car salesman: Sneaky

Politician: Corrupt

Lawyer: Quick on their feet

Teacher: under paid

Doctor: Older male

It is quite ironic because one day I do want to be a politician, but I certainly do not want to be corrupt. I know I am capable of not being that, but it shows that everyone has something against them. Also, we are the problem why other people cannot just be who they want to be without a stereotype.


Activity #2 – IAT Tests

Result for Gender/Career: “Your data suggest a slight automatic association for Male with Career and Female with Family”

I remember one of my professors told us she took this test, and she was surprised that she got this result. She is a working mom, and she is fighting against that old stereotype that women are more equipped for the home. I am really focused on gaining a career, and then having a family when I am ready. My own experiences with biases shows that I am also fighting against my own unconscious bias. It is crazy because the women figures in my life have gone against that stereotype, and yet I have this association. I am willing to go against that bias, and do me! I also think that there is a perception when men are the ones taking care of the household. That needs to be changed also.


Activity #3 – Personalization

As I have been growing up I for certain have a few things that set me off. The first thing that comes to mind is when someone is ignorant. It is not necessarily hearing something ignorant about myself anymore, but when  I hear a stereotype about someone else. I think we all have had a class where someone says something that could be seen as extreme or ignorant about a group of people they are not talking to without accountability. Usually the professor will try to change the conversation, or they will say something to correct the situation. It stresses me about when someone says something ignorant like a stereotype about Mexicans or black people to me. I do not like this because being a woman of color I do not understand why people feel comfortable telling me this. Just because I am not one of those groups does not mean that people should assume I would not be offended. This is a perfect example of biases. I do know that having light skinned has its privileges. Especially in higher education it baffles me how people are not going out of their way to see different perspectives. We are supposed to open our mind because we are going to be the leaders of our world soon. With this privilege I know that instead of talking on behalf of people I need to pass the mic to people who do not have that right. I leave silence after someone says something ignorant, and I ask now “What was so funny about that?”. It is one thing to say it, but in the moment sometimes I forget. I have to work on that.


Activity #4 – Devil’s Advocate

I usually do not enjoy when someone in a group of people likes to play devil’s advocate. Usually it was the kid who just wanted to stir the pot, but I have to do the same. I did it with myself, and I did it on whether to have a gap year or not after college. I respect people that do, but I feel like I could not do that. I hope I will have a plan after college, but it is not in my culture to be able to take a break like that. I argued that, and then I wrote on a piece of paper all the reasons why it would be a good idea. I think it was interesting because both sides would be right. I realized things that I did not think of initially. Matthew talked about the different places he learned, and how that the things he thought were right may not be the truth for other people. I went to a high school that had majority people of color, and I experienced so many people outside of the school not giving us the benefit of the doubt when it came to crime of scandal. It was because of where we lived and who was at the school. There were less resources than other schools, so the change of more success was limited in the first place. It is hard to not automatically assumes, but it is important to keep yourself accountable.


Activity #5 – Get Out of the Zone

I think my experience going here to UMW has been me getting out of my zone. I identify being Asian woman, and in almost every situation I am in I am the only one or one of three in a group. I used to go to a high school that was predominantly Latino and Black, so I never really was in an environment with people that look like me. I notice being the only Asian in a class or group automatically. I think what I notice the most is the advertising of the school. I was asked to have my picture taken to show underrepresented communities that you can be an RA, but I was notified only after it was published. I was not told before. I know they had good intentions, but I really felt used. I really do hope it helps someone else think they can be put in the spotlight, but there is always reasoning behind being noticed as the only person that looks like you in a group.


Activity #6 – The Power of Privilege

The idea of oppression Olympics in the book reminded me of the book Americanah. Even though I am a woman of color I do have more privilege due to my race. There is a lot of growing that I can do as far as making sure I open up to people who have more privilege than me because I might be that way to someone else who has less privilege than me. Right now, people are feeling guilty of their privilege. They want to help, but they do not know what to do. This is a really interesting time for the term privilege because it inhibits conversation from happening. I think both sides need to listen, and acknowledge that both sides can be validated to an extent. Someone struggling financially who is a white male can acknowledge that a person of color can struggle also. It can also be seen the other way.


Activity #7 – Diversity Inventory

  1. Asian, Female, Buddhism, Heterosexual, Middle-Class, Student, Extrovert

2. Black, Male, Atheist, Gay, Middle-Class, Extrovert

3. Black, Female, Atheist, Gay, Middle-Class, Student, Introvert

4. Caucasian, Female, Christian, Heterosexual, Middle-Class, Student, Extrovert

5. Latino, Female, Christian, Heterosexual, Lower-Class, Student, Ambivert

I really gravitate towards people that do not look like me because that is what I had to do for the most part. It is interesting because I have gone to a few Asian countries, and I weirdly feel out of place. I just have been so used to being with people that do not identify me, but in other ways we are similar. I do not try to go out of my way to get a person from each group, but I tend to be friends with them. Like here, I end up seeing other people of color on campus because we all go to the diversity events on campus. It is interesting seeing it typed out. My friends were always called the “Little Model U.N.”.


Activity #8 – Cultural Inventory

  1. The last three books you read: Americanah, You are Not that Special, The End of Protest
  2. The last three movies you saw: The Big Sick, Coco, LadyBird
  3. T.V. shows I watch: Parks and Recreation, Bob’s Burgers, Blackish, Jane the Virgin, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
  4. Favorite music artists: Bruno Mars, Clean Bandit, Sam Smith, Earth, Wind, and Fire, Kelly Clarkson, Khalid

As far as culture goes I do not really have a diversified inventory. I have really only watched and listened to people from America. Some of these things I have gone out of my way to watch, and then I end up enjoying. Some of these choices were made to specifically show another perspective of life to the public.

How are they similar to you? I oddly enough have more shows than I thought with female leads. I think there is a surge to not only have more female leads, but to have them be intricate characters. I also like that the shows I have are all very different, but they all fit my kind of humor. It shows that there can be different kinds of people on the screen, but it will still be entertaining.

How are they different from you? They are different in that they mostly other stories that are not similar to mine. I come from an immigrant family, and I am Filipino. There are shows now with Filipino Americans without accents, but a lot of the media I consumed before was not like that. It is okay to be different because if the show is done correctly we all can feel the same problems with just being human and interacting with others.

What else did you notice? – I like mostly male artists, which I think is interesting. I need to work on that!


Activity #9 – Question Your Assumptions

I think that this demo was interesting. I know that I get people telling me what I am, and I do that to other people. I do not try to make microagressions for other people,but I automatically assume how someone identifies. That is wrong. I got the Asian-American part because I identify that way as well. As for the other parts there are some that are racially ambiguous, and sometimes people think that way for me also. It is time for me to not do the same that is done to me, or it will be a cycle.


Activity #10 – Listening Lunch
I had a lunch with a friend I have, and she is one of the most open-minded people I know. She does not have the same views as me, but she knows how to have a productive conversation. We talked about hot topics like political parties, abortion, immigration, and cultural appropriation. I think we all just hear one of those buzz words, and we already are waiting if the other person is on your side or not. If they are not on your side you already have an argument in head to go against them. I think when I react when someone says something extreme I am in initial shock, but then I weirdly stay calm. I used to feel so attacked because microagressions affects me that I always have to feel guarded. I think I have seen so many people yell at each other, that I know that is not the answer. I have learned from dealing with conflicts is that making people feel that you are truly listening without extreme judgement makes them feel comfortable. It is not good to make a tense situation more tense.  She is from the rural area, so hearing her side it makes sense why she feels the way she does. The government is not looking very well after rural areas. I learned to really make eye contact with her to connect. I learned that just because you belong to a party does not mean you agree with everything the party wants. There were some things that we agreed on, and we are more similar than we thought. We can still be good to people, but having conversations that open up to the other side really can make a difference.

Overall, I really liked this book! Thanks, and have a great day!

-Alyssa

Week One – Introduction Videos

Hello everyone,

My name is Alyssa Macaranas. I am very interested in how this online class will go. I have been in a few online classes so far, but I have not been in one that is business-oriented. I think as far as making sure I get my things done on time will be a challenge, but seeing the end product will be worth it!

I really liked watching the introduction videos. It was really awkward doing the introduction video for me because I was trying to think of facts about myself talking to myself. Who knew it was hard to fill up 2 minutes talking about yourself?

I really liked Christopher Cumming’s video because he is a fellow RA. He also has explored Europe, and I have visited the few places he has been to. I liked Cierra Morrison’s video because she talked about color guard, and I really respect when people can self-teach and be passionate about it. Go her! I also liked Maggie Lewandowski’s video because she talked about Harry Potter! I wish I could enjoy leisure reading again, and reading those books was such an amazing period in my childhood!

Overall, it is interesting meeting people through an online format. It will be cool seeing you all around campus as well because the campus is small enough for one of us to probably pass by another on campus walk.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

-Alyssa